


Thor-Cat

by SalviaOfficinalis



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Cat Loki (Marvel), Crack, Domestic Avengers, Gen, Humor, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Thor: The Dark World Compliant, Or Is It?, POV Clint Barton, Parody, Post-Avengers (2012), Shapeshifter Loki (Marvel), Shapeshifting, and loki is a recurring supervillain, it's short for "thor-kitty", no thorki in this even if the cat is named thorki, platonic relationships only; no romance despite some ironic naming choices, takes place in that nebulous mcu post-avengers au where they all live happily in the tower, this is not going where you think it's going, thor is bad at names okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27298051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalviaOfficinalis/pseuds/SalviaOfficinalis
Summary: “Hey,” Bruce said, looking worried, “did Thor seemoffto you, too?”Clint, however, was thinking about something entirely different. “That cat istotallyLoki.”Steve stared at the ceiling, glazed yet somehow despairing look on his face. “I might not know exactlyhow, but you’ve somehow managed to convince me that Thor’s new cat is Loki, despite a complete lack of any evidence whatsoever.”Fist-pumping, Clint let out a quiet cheer.Or: Clint is on a mission to prove that Thor's new cat is actually Loki in disguise.(This is not going where you probably think it's going.)
Relationships: Clint Barton & Avengers Team, Clint Barton & Loki, Clint Barton & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Thor, Loki & Avengers Team
Comments: 11
Kudos: 161





	Thor-Cat

**Author's Note:**

> Absolutely none of the things that Clint tries out are good things to do to cats, don't follow his lead.
> 
> Also, despite my (not quite best) efforts, I was unable to obtain a beta, so let me know if you spot any errors!

Thor had left on a trip to Asgard.

Being that he was essentially a foreign diplomat who had responsibilities on Asgard as both a leader and warrior, this was not particularly unusual.

Also, he _did_ have family, friends, and all that back on Asgard as well.

Speaking of family, Thor had left with the express purpose of visiting Loki.

This was uncommon but not unusual. And it was uncommon solely because it generally took Loki a month or two to subvert the latest security measures, escape, return to Earth and cause mayhem, be stopped by the Avengers, be taken to Asgard again, and start the cycle anew.

Which, really, probably said something about how lax Asgard was in terms of holding Loki prisoner, but short of either killing Loki or subjecting him to what were apparently inhumane methods of restricting his magic, there wasn’t much of a solution. And considering that the Asgardians owned a world-destroying weapon, and the ruling family was still fond of Loki, it wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

Then, Thor had predicted his return in a week. It took him two.

Again, rather typical of Thor. Time could be difficult to keep track of for an immortal god-like alien who measured in years rather than weeks.

And neither did the Avengers forget the fact that Loki could be rather obstinate, and Thor refused to return until he managed to carry on at least one conversation with his brother, even if they tended to go in the vein of Thor repeating, “Brother! I miss you!” and Loki responding with, “I am not your brother, fool.”

That was the Avengers’ best guess of how those conversations went, at least, using Jarvis’s predictions formed over dozens of fights. It wasn’t as if any of them had a better approximation.

When Thor finally _did_ arrive, he brought with him the news that Loki had escaped.

Again.

This, too, happened quite often. Usually, Loki liked to coincide his escapes with Thor’s stays on Asgard. Probably so that he could be assured of Thor’s presence on Earth when he arrived to fight the Avengers.

No, what _was_ unusual in all of this was one simple fact: Thor had returned carrying a black cat in his arms.

* * *

“Sooo,” Tony said, dragging out the vowel. “Mind telling us what the deal with the cat is, Point Break?”

Gravely, Thor replied, “I have come across this unfortunate feline, my friends, and decided to keep him. Should he cause any trouble, I apologize, but I implore you to allow him to remain here.”

As they spoke, the cat slipped out of Thor’s arms and padded over to Clint. He stared down at it. The cat stared back up with large, pleading blue eyes.

There was just something _about_ the cat that was ever so vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t place his finger on it. Besides, Thor had brought it _back_. For all Clint knew, it wasn’t even a cat, but some weird alien animal that secretly had six legs, laid eggs, and grew feathers.

Or something else, possibly. Something like-

The cat meowed at him. It was an oddly large cat, but it had such a velvety-looking nose and soft fur that Clint simply couldn’t help but reach down and try to pet it. He really wanted to try and scratch it behind the ears, too.

Hissing, it backed away, ears flattened. There went the ear scratches, Clint supposed. He could have sworn it was… _glaring_ at him. It looked almost frustrated.

But that was impossible. No, Clint was imagining things.

The cat was just a normal cat.

* * *

Yawning, Clint staggered into the kitchen. Coffee. He needed coffee. Or caffeinated tea. He wasn’t feeling particularly picky.

Asgard and Earth didn’t share a day-night cycle because that would have been far too easy. No, instead, at any given moment, it could be nighttime on Asgard and morning on Earth, noon on Earth and evening for Asgard, and whatever combinations the mind could think of. Further complicating the matter was Earth’s time zones and the fact that Asgard apparently was flat. And didn’t revolve around the sun.

Whatever the case, Thor had arrived at three in the morning, and all the Avengers had woken up to greet him. And the new cat. Then, they had, for some godforsaken reason that Clint couldn’t even remember, decided to spend the next hour chatting about Loki’s latest escape from Asgardian prison.

Alright, maybe Clint had also stayed awake until one in the morning before that binge-watching some trashy reality TV show, but that was irrelevant. The important information was that Clint was exhausted, and he deeply, deeply need caffeine in him in order to function properly.

As he stumbled in, his eyes focused on Bruce. Bruce would know where the caffeine was. With the man’s insane sleep schedule, he might have even made tea already.

“Bruce,” Clint muttered. “Tea?”

It didn’t seem as if the scientist had heard him, though. Rather, Bruce was preoccupied with… feeding the cat?

“Here, kitty-kitty,” called the man who turned into an unstoppable rage beast when stressed. He kneeled on the floor, back to Clint. “I don’t suppose you like sardines?”

Clint yawned again and walked closer, making sure to announce his approach with loud footsteps as he did so.

They’d had a couple of _incidents_ in the early days of the Avengers. Hazards of two spies trained to always be stealthy living with the Hulk’s alter-ego.

Those days were behind them, though, and Bruce turned towards Clint. “Do you know the cat’s name?”

“Nope.” Clint thought about it for a second. “Yeah, still no.” Frowning, he added, “Is Thor awake yet? We could ask him.”

Bruce laughed and responded, “You know that he never wakes up this early-”

Thor walked into the kitchen. As both Clint and Bruce stared at him, the Asgardian paused. “What?” he asked. “Is something amiss?”

Clint cleared his throat before quickly adding, “No, no. We were just, uh, wondering if the cat had a name.”

“Indeed!” Thor perked up, a smile coming over his face. “I have named him Loki, after my, ah, brother!”

Silence filled the kitchen, broken only by the sounds of the cat attempting to scratch something into one of Tony’s sandalwood cabinets.

Thor rushed forward, muttering something under his breath, and picked up _Loki_ , of all things.

Coughing, Bruce said, “Thor, is that really the best name to call your cat? Loki just escaped, after all, and for that matter, won’t he take offense?”

“I do not believe that Loki would be offended by my naming this cat after him.” With a smile, Thor said, “If it discomfits you, I can change the name.”

Bruce offered him a relieved smile. “That’s probably for the best.”

Gravely, Thor nodded. “It is decided, then! I shall name Thor Jr., after myself.”

For the second time in the span of a minute, silence filled the kitchen.

“Is that… is that not something Midgardians do?” Thor frowned. “I had thought naming pets and small children after oneself with the addition of ‘Jr.’ was typical amongst you.”

When neither Clint nor Bruce responded, Thor said, “Then, I shall name him Thor-Kitty! Or Thorki, for short.”

The cat apparently felt the need to make itself known at that point, as it yowled in Thor’s arms and attempted to scratch its way out. With a forced smile, Thor stepped backward and fled the room.

“Bruce. _Bruce_ ,” Clint hissed. He nudged Bruce in the ribs with an elbow.

“Hey,” Bruce replied, looking worried, “did Thor seem off to you, too?”

Clint, however, was thinking about something entirely different. “That cat is _totally_ Loki.”

* * *

Step One of Clint’s Amazing Plan to Witness Loki as Loki in a New Version as the K(C)at with No Worries, or ‘CAP WiLL NeVer KNoW’: follow ‘Thorki’ around secretly and wait for it to do something suspicious.

And okay, the name could probably use some work. But while Bruce was busy investigating the ‘mystery’ of why Thor had woken up so early or whatever, which totally wasn’t a mystery because Thorki had definitely woken him up because the cat was cruel like that, Clint was going to prove Thorki was Loki.

Thor, for obvious reasons, couldn’t be allowed to find out. When Nat found out, because she always did, she’d probably just laugh. Tony was paranoid enough to help Clint, but probably a bit _too_ paranoid and would tip either Thor or Loki off to Clint’s master plan.

Or Steve. And if _Steve_ knew that Clint suspected Thorki of being Loki, he’d just give Clint that Disappointed Look™️, and Clint would feel terrible and probably just quit right there and then so long as Cap stopped staring at him like that-

Thus, the reason for the plan’s acronym.

He’d been following Loki because there was no way the cat _wasn’t_ Loki, and the black cat was _finally_ doing something unusual.

And suspicious.

Actually, it was _really_ suspicious. Loki had jumped up onto the coffee table in their shared common room, which, alright, not that suspicious in and of itself.

However.

_However_.

The cat proceeded to spend the next two minutes pawing at Tony’s laptop, which was lying shut atop the table. Finally, it got a claw into the crack between the keyboard and the lid, and Loki pried the computer open.

Clint squinted. He was hiding behind some weird modern sculpture that Nat had bought as a gag gift for last year’s Secret Santa, and the positioning was definitely less than ideal. While he could see the screen, it was almost perpendicular to him, and Clint couldn’t see what was happening, only that _something_ was.

At first, Loki only poked at the touchscreen a bit. It made sense if anyone saw it; the screen was shiny and interesting, and the cat was… well, a cat.

But if it _wasn’t_ just a cat, it still made sense. Tony was a heathen who refused to use a mouse, and while the touchpad might not respond well to a cat’s paw, the touchscreen probably would.

He waited. Surely, any normal cat would have given up by now and wandered off to tear up some bedsheets or whatever it was that cats did in their spare time.

Then, Loki started using the keyboard. Carefully, too. With a single claw extended, the cat typed something out one careful poke at a time.

This wasn’t normal cat behavior at all.

Clint leaped out from his hiding place with a cry of, “Caught you!”

Loki startled, flailing back and falling off the table with a soft _thump_.

Starting forward, Clint made a grab at the cat, who scrambled across the floor into a doorway before hitting someone’s legs.

He glanced up to see Thor blinking down at him.

Clint coughed. “I can explain.”

Oddly, Thor didn’t press. Instead, he simply looked slightly… harried, almost. He brushed past Clint without a word, passing by the coffee table and exiting the common room.

Flopping onto the floor, Clint stared at the ceiling. A set of footsteps approached down the hall, and Bruce’s face came into view above him.

“Clint,” Bruce said, “have you seen Thor anywhere?”

Noiselessly, he raised an arm and pointed to the other side of the room.

With a muttered word of thanks, Bruce stepped over Clint and chased after the wayward Asgardian.

Sighing, Clint forced himself off the floor. Thus far, CAP WiLL NeVer KNoW had been a bust. He’d have to track down Loki all over again, a difficult task when cats were unobtrusive by nature and Loki even more so in order to hide his nefarious doings and with the aid of magic. Then, Clint would have to avoid alerting the cat to his presence, all the while stalking Loki and waiting for the inevitable slip-up when the cat would reveal itself as Loki.

It was going to be a long day.

Clint glanced at the empty coffee table and left the room.

* * *

Step Two of CAP WiLL NeVer KNoW: lay a trap. Direct confrontation wasn’t working, so clearly, Clint would need to stop thinking like… like _Thor_ and think more like Natasha.

Besides, Clint was a hawk, and hawks were birds. Loki, on the other hand, was a _cat_ , and cats liked to hunt and eat birds.

Yes, laying a trap was the best way to go.

Carefully, he finished pulling the rope around the edge of the doorframe so that it wasn’t visible from the other side. When Loki came in through the door- and Clint knew it would because the cat had entered several minutes ago, and that particular part of the main floor didn’t have any other exits- Clint would release the rope, dropping the net and effectively trapping Loki. Even if the cat was smart enough to escape, there would still be enough time for Clint to rush in and bag the cat.

He’d based it on a quick fifteen minutes spent Googling how to catch a cat, before coming to the unfortunate realization that none of the traps were designed for an intelligent cat able to avoid obvious traps like a metal cage with food in the back.

Seriously, what kind of animal was _that_ dumb?

With some effort, he managed to pointedly ignore the niggling voice in the back of his head that sounded a lot like Natasha saying, _Remember Budapest, Clint?_

Steve walked in from the hallway that led to the elevator. He stared at Clint, crouched in a corner of the room and holding a rope leading to a net on the ceiling.

Clint stared back.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Steve said, “Do I even _want_ to know?”

Clint shook his head.

Eyes narrowing, Steve added, “And this isn’t going to hurt anyone, right?”

Clint shook his head again.

“…I’ll deal with it if it becomes a problem, so no one better come to me complaining about getting injured from a prank, alright?”

Clint nodded.

Making a sharp spin, Steve turned and left the way he had come.

Choosing that precise moment to walk into the room, Loki padded in, head held high.

With a frantic scramble, Clint attempted to drop the net. Surprised by Loki’s sudden entrance, however, he released the rope too late, and the cat had plenty of time to scramble out of the way of the falling net.

It fell, however, onto the person who followed after Loki several moments later, who, flabbergasted by the sudden heavy object hitting their head, stumbled and fell to the floor with a crash.

Tony swore, loudly. “What in the world was that for, Clint?”

With nothing to offer by way of explanation, Clint just offered the other man an apologetic shrug and walked over to help pull the net off Tony.

Audibly, Tony muttered some annoyed sentences about not needing the help of the person who caused the mess in the first place, wriggling his way out of the net. Once he did, standing up, he shot Clint a nasty glare. Throwing his hands up in the air, Tony stalked out of the room.

Having rushed back in at the noise, Steve just frowned. “Clint, what in the world are you _doing_? Leave Thor’s poor cat alone, please.” Steve gave him the patented Cap Look™️, the one that somehow managed to convey ‘I’m not angry, just disappointed, but we both know that my disappointment is worse than anything I could possibly say to you’ in the span of a short three-second expression. “And you should apologize to Tony, you know, for accidentally catching him in your attempt to trap Thor’s cat.”

Hanging his head in shame, Clint sighed.

* * *

One and Two had both failed, so it was time to resort to drastic measures. Step Three of CAP WiLL NeVer KNoW, which was a rather defunct name since Cap was now pretty aware of it: ask Thor directly.

Clint ambushed Thor by dropping down from his perch atop a bookshelf.

The Asgardian stared at him, but Clint was undeterred, accosting and dragging Thor out of the room.

Shooting a glare as Loki padded after them, he didn’t stop the feline, but Clint kept a close eye on it. They took the elevator, Loki avoiding a narrow accident with the elevator door by dashing in, hindquarters barely squeezing in at the last second.

Come to think of it, Loki was a rather large cat, chubby around the middle, to say the least. It was hard to believe that given the ability to shapeshift into whatever form he wanted, the immortal sorcerer had chosen a slightly overweight housecat.

…It was totally Loki, though.

Whistling along to the elevator music, Clint pushed the button that would take them to his floor of the Tower. As he did so, Thor shifted uncomfortably in the corner. “Whatever is the matter, Man of the Hawk’s Eye?”

“Let’s wait until we reach my floor to talk about that, sound good, Thor?”

Shrugging, Thor presumably acquiesced, settling down and not saying anything else.

They arrived at Clint’s floor, as announced with a soft _ding_ and the light above the elevator door blinking white. With a soft hiss, the doors squeaked open, except they didn’t, because Tony was very particular about his technology and would never be caught dead with squeaking doors.

There was a hiss, but it was really ruining Clint’s internal monologue that there was no squeaking noise.

Because Tony was also a rich inventor and major shareholder in what was probably the preeminent tech company of the entire world, each Avenger’s individual floor was outfitted with personalized decorations and a full floor plan the size of a nice one-story house.

The elevator opened up into a decently sized sitting room. Clint yawned and staggered over to his favorite armchair. It was an eye-watering bright neon yellow because Tony had zero sense of fashion, and it might have actually been a bit of a gag gift, but Clint had covered it up with a much more sensible purple blanket. He wasn’t about to _give it up_ , that chair was probably the most comfortable chair he’d ever owned.

Thor had sat down on the couch. There was a slight frown on his face as he stroked Loki, who was sitting in his lap. The cat looked mostly placid, though it struggled every couple of seconds to escape, consistently failing.

“Thor,” Clint said very seriously, a stone-cold expression on his face. “I have to ask. Is your cat actually-”

Loki froze, expression oddly desperate, almost pleading.

“Loki?” he finished.

Slumping down, the cat buried its head in its paws, ears twitching. Clint could have sworn that it looked almost despondent, but that wasn’t usually a thing that supervillains tended to do.

Thor, for his part, looked rather amused. “I assure you, Man of the Hawk’s Eye, that Thorki is no brother of mine,” he boomed.

Head perking up, Loki turned to look directly at Clint. If a cat could look devastated, Loki’s expression was doing that. Loki meowed sadly, staring up at Clint with big, tragic blue eyes.

_No_. Clint would _resist_. He would not pet the supervillain cat and offer it hugs and cuddles.

_He would not_.

Clint’s resolve crumbled when Loki’s nose twitched. “Hey, Thor…” he started uncertainly. “Do you want to leave, er, Thor-Kitty, here with me for an hour or so? I can watch your cat while you do something else.”

There was a slightly hesitant expression on Thor’s face. “You will not harm him, I hope?” 

Fervently, Clint shook his head. “Nope, scout’s honor, Lo- Thorki will be in the greatest possible care during its- uh, _his_ stay on my floor.”

Standing, Thor smiled, looking relieved. “Thank you, my friend. I shall return shortly, then.” He strode over to the elevator door and left.

Clint looked down at Loki, who had jumped up into his lap. “I guess it’s just you and me, buddy, huh?” He shook his head. “I don’t even know why I just volunteered to cat-sit a shapeshifted supervillain for the next hour.”

At Loki’s surprised look, Clint added, “Yeah, I’m onto you.” Sighing, he continued, “I can see why you picked a cat, though. No way could anyone resist that face of yours.”

With a squint at Loki, he asked, “I’m going to catch you, though, you know that?”

Loki only made a sound remarkably similar to a sigh of its own.

* * *

Accidental Step Three-and-a-Half: talk with Natasha.

It was of no active choice of Clint’s own; rather, Natasha ambushed him when Clint took the elevator down to the main floor, Thor having picked up Loki several minutes ago. The encounter was remarkably reminiscent of Clint pouncing on Thor.

Probably some sort of karmic justice, though Clint didn’t think the two were exactly comparable. Natasha was much more terrifying than he could ever be.

“So, Clint,” she said with a dangerous smile, “what exactly do you think you’re doing?”

He raised his hands defensively. “I’m innocent, I swear! I didn’t do anything!”

She raised an eyebrow. “Mmhmm. Try again, Clint.”

Backing up until he hit the wall, Clint fixed Natasha with a more than mildly terrified look. “Okay, it’s not _my_ fault that absolutely no one else believes me!”

“Alright,” she said, “I’ll give you that one.”

Clint pumped his fist in victory. It was too early.

“But,” Natasha continued, “you’ve driven Thor half-insane, stressing over if ‘Thor-Kitty’ really is Loki or not, trying to trick him _another_ time.” She held up one finger on her left hand. “Tony is suffering from a minor concussion after hitting the floor with his head, and he went over to medical a couple of hours ago.” Another finger was raised.

An attempt at a weak chuckle forced its way out of Clint’s mouth and immediately cut off at Natasha’s ice-cold glare. His knees felt weak.

“Steve hasn’t said anything, but he’s been pacing around the Tower since the net incident, and his rather palpable mood is making everyone else feel anxious and stressed. He thinks that you lied to his face and then purposefully injured Tony.” A third finger went up.

When Natasha didn’t add anything else, Clint made the terrible mistake of trying to salvage the situation by saying, “But Bruce is okay, right?”

Her voice dropped to a dangerously low tone. “Oh, no, Bruce is becoming paranoid because you refused to listen to his concerns about Thor, and now, thanks to _your_ behavior, he’s starting to wonder if someone is using mental magic to manipulate everyone’s minds.” Four fingers were now held up in the air.

He glanced around for a way out of the situation. No one else was approaching, and Natasha was close enough to catch him before Clint would be able to flee. She probably wasn’t about to let him leave any time soon, either.

Seeing Clint’s frantic search for an escape, Natasha’s expression softened slightly. “Clint, listen,” Natasha said. “It’s not your fault. I think there’s something to Bruce’s-”

“You can’t _possibly_ also have been roped into his crazy theory that something’s up with Thor, right?”

She sighed. “Whatever’s going on, Thor is extremely similar, but _something_ is ever so slightly off. If it’s an impersonator, they have unusually and extremely specific knowledge about Thor’s life and habits, but if someone’s controlling Thor, they’re one of the best we’ve met yet. I can’t figure it out. However-”

Clint turned to the wall and thumped his head on it.

His head hurt, and Clint immediately regretted _all_ of his life choices.

“It’s the cat!” he cried, unable to hold it back any longer, even in the face of fear of Natasha’s reaction. “Nat, the cat is Loki, and Loki is doing something to Thor. Boom. Mystery solved.” He twisted back around to face the other spy. “Help me get rid of Loki; I’m begging you.”

She sighed, shaking her head, red hair whipping around as she turned away from him. “I’m going to go help Bruce stalk Thor,” Natasha called back as she walked towards the elevator. “Have fun trying to prove the cat is Loki. Sometimes, Clint? A cat is just a cat.”

Clint scowled. He was going to catch Loki, and then everyone would bow down in awe of his deductive skills.

* * *

Step Four: attempt to recruit Tony.

Clint had already well and gone and announced his suspicions to both Thor and Loki, so stealth was a moot point. He might as well rope Tony into trying to catch Loki. One average mind and one genius mind were better than one lone average mind, after all.

Stepping out of the elevator as he arrived on the workshop floor, Clint swept his gaze over the area. Tony was almost certainly in the workshop, but there was always a chance-

Nope. The inventor was standing in the center of his workshop, glowing screen filling the space around him as he gave inaudible directions to Jarvis.

Loudly, Clint cleared his throat. Tony didn’t move, mouth still moving. At a higher volume, Clint tried coughing.

There was still no reaction.

Then, Jarvis said, “Sir, I believe that Mr. Barton is trying to gain your attention.”

Tony finally looked up, seeing Clint on the overhanging balcony. He scowled “What do you want?”

Clint sighed. “Look, if this is about the net-”

Throwing his arms up for the second time that day, Tony said, “No, it’s not about the net. It’s about the fact that no one made me coffee this morning.” Crossing his arms across his chest, the other man continued, “ _Yes_ , it’s about the net.” Under his breath, Clint managed to catch Tony muttering, “Not that I’m at all sore about the coffee in any way.”

“But that’s exactly it!” At Tony’s quizzical expression, Clint went on, “I _am_ sorry about accidentally hitting you with that-”

Tony barked out a short laugh.

Pressing on, Clint said, “No, really. I was trying to catch Thorki-”

* * *

Completely unintentional and unwanted Step Four-Point-Two-Five: interrupt critical strategy discussion in order to have a name crisis over the stupid cat.

Tony had refused to talk to Clint any further during the entire elevator ride, so the ride had gone in relative silence, interrupted only by Jarvis alerting them, “Sir, I believe that Mr. Odinson and his compatriot have moved into the kitchen and are currently preparing a snack.” A beat. “Mr. Odinson, that is, not his cat.”

For what was probably the tenth time that day, Clint left the elevator behind. He trailed behind Tony as he strode into the common room’s connected kitchen.

“Hey, Point Break!” Tony announced himself. “What’d you name the cat, huh?”

Thor twisted his head to face them, a grin splitting his face. “Ah, Man of Iron! I do not believe that I have introduced him to you yet. I have named my cat Thorki, short for Thor-Kitty!”

There was a choking noise. “You seriously named him ‘Thorki’? I thought Bruce was just messing with me.”

Tilting his head, Thor asked, “Why? I thought that adding the appellation of one’s heroic title to an animal was the standard amongst heroes on Midgard.”

“…You know what Thorki is, right?” Tony looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to cry or laugh. Maybe both.

“The cat?”

Tony buried his head in his hands. Muffled, he said, “…Do you know what ‘fandom’, ‘shipping’, and ‘RPF’ are?”

“I do not, Man of Iron.”

“Oh my God.” His shoulders were shaking softly. “Alright, I can’t be the one to ruin this.” Looking up, Tony saw Clint, and with a sly smile on his face, added, “Clint, _you_ tell him.”

Clint frantically backed up, hands in the air yet again. It wasn’t his fault that the rest of the Avengers had it in for him. “Nope, nope, _nope_.”

Tony sighed. “It was worth a shot.” Coughing slightly, he held a hand to his chest and grimaced. “How about, uh, going with Thor-Cat, though, ‘kay?”

Perplexed, Thor shrugged. “Very well, my friend.” There was a strange quality to the tone of his voice.

Clint glanced back as they left. He didn’t miss the slight smile on Thor’s face.

* * *

Back on track with the obsoletely named main plan, Tony and Clint were sitting huddled in Tony’s workshop.

“Okay,” Tony said, “I’ll believe you. And forgive you for the net.” With a scowl on his face, he added, “ _This_ time.”

Clint breathed a sigh of relief. “Great, got that off my back. Okay, so we need to figure out if Loki’s done anything suspicious.”

Snapping his fingers, Tony said, “I’ve got it. Jarvis?”

The AI’s mechanical voice issued from speakers in the ceiling, “The cat now known as Thor-Cat has been within view of my cameras for 78.23% of its stay in the Avengers Tower.”

“Only that much?” Clint raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were all-seeing, all-knowing, whatever.”

“I do not have cameras installed in private areas, such as the bedrooms and bathrooms, to which Mr. Odinson and Thor-Cat both slept in for several hours after their arrival and have retreated to for varying durations throughout the day.”

That certainly put a wrench in Clint’s plans. On one hand, he was relieved to hear that the AI wasn’t peeping on him and slightly annoyed that he’d never thought to ask Jarvis about that. Natasha definitely had. She thought of everything like that.

On the other hand, though, it was an inopportune time to find out that Jarvis couldn’t absolutely guarantee that Thor-Cat was or wasn’t Loki.

Clint sighed and said, “Okay, then in order to prove that Thor-Cat is Loki-”

Of all the moments, Steve just _had_ to choose _that_ one to walk in. “Wait, Loki?”

Giving in to the impulse, Clint repeatedly slammed his head into the table. He regretted it again, having not learned from previous experience, but not as much as he regretted accidentally telling Steve.

“Jarvis, why didn’t you _warn_ me?”

There was no way Steve would believe him.

“You didn’t ask, Sir.” Jarvis hesitated. “And I believed that Captain Rogers could be of aid in your operation.”

Clint just _knew_ Steve would have all sorts of things to say about what he would see as a ridiculous conspiracy theory.

“Tony, what’s going on? And is Clint alright? He hasn’t moved from where he was banging his head on the table.”

Though his words were made quieter by Clint’s mouth being smashed into the table, they must have still been audible when Clint said, “Our plan doesn’t matter anymore, Tony. We’re never going to be able to convince Steve that the cat’s Loki. It’s too smart to get caught, apparently.”

“Wait, _it_?”

* * *

Yet another unintentional Step Four-Point-Seven-Five: get berated by Steve over the cat’s pronouns.

“But it’s Loki!”

“Even if Thor’s new cat is Loki- and I’m not saying that you’ve convinced me that he _is_ \- you should treat him with respect. Actually, _especially_ if he’s Loki because then, the cat is just as intelligent as any of us.” Steve frowned, brow furrowed. “That’s just called basic human decency.”

Leaping to point out a flaw in that logic, Clint remarked, “Aha! But Loki isn’t human, he’s Asgardian, or Jotun, or whatever…” At Steve’s Disappointed Look™️, Clint sighed. Two Disappointed Looks™️ in one week had to be some sort of record, let alone one day. Typically, the mere thought of being hit with one made an Avenger reconsider what they were doing, and actually having one focused on them ashamed the Avenger enough to behave for a while.

Clint had pretty handily proven himself an absolute failure at learning from anything he had done today, though.

“Okay, okay, just hear us out about it- uh, _him_ , alright? Please, Steve?”

The good Captain happened to be a sucker for pleasant manners and good behavior from any of the team, and they all knew it. And he gave in rather easily if anyone asked him nicely. Didn’t mean that Steve didn’t fall for it every time, though.

Although, was it really ‘falling’ for it if everyone involved was aware; Steve just chose to agree, anyway? In any case, Steve nodded, and Clint launched into his spiel on why Thor-Cat was One Hundred Percent Absolutely Loki Himself in the Flesh.

* * *

Steve stared at the ceiling, glazed yet somehow despairing look on his face. “I might not know exactly _how_ , but you’ve somehow managed to convince me that Thor’s new cat is Loki, despite a complete lack of any evidence whatsoever.”

Fist-pumping, Clint let out a quiet cheer.

Tony leaned into their small huddle, serious look on his face. “What can we do about it, though? Thor won’t be happy if we try to take the cat from him.”

That caused Steve to raise his hand, stopping Clint’s response in his tracks. He steepled his fingers, elbows planted on the edge of the table. “Is there anything to Nat and Bruce’s theory that something is going on with Thor?”

Someone cleared their throat. “While Mr. Odinson’s speech patterns have not fully conformed to previously established models, his behavior is not outside the norm and may be accounted for by the change in lifestyle.”

“Thanks, Jarvis,” responded Steve.

Clint’s fingers itched for his bow. Having a bow was nice. Shoot the bad guys, hide, shoot the bad guys. No need to worry about if taking Thor’s cat away would make the Asgardian angry or if he might kill an innocent cat by accident.

Tony shrugged. “There’s an easy option here, isn’t there? We drop the cat off the top of the Tower.”

“Tony!” Steve exclaimed.

“Alright, alright,” he said. “Out a window, then. You’re right, it’s probably more practical to break the nearest window, no matter how fun it would be to dangle possibly-Loki-cat over the edge of the roof.”

The embodiment of the American national pride looked very much like he wanted to facepalm. Either that or Steve was constipated. That was possible, considering that Clint wasn’t sure if Steve knew what a facepalm _was_.

“Okay, look, everyone,” said the man who might be about to call for a quick bathroom break. “We don’t have very many options. All we can do right now is hope that Loki slips up somehow-”

“I believe now would be a prudent time to alert you three that Thor-Cat managed to jump up to press the buttons and take the elevator. He has made it to Mr. Barton’s floor and entered the bedroom, as the door was left ajar, and I can no longer see him.”

Sputtering, Tony yelped, “And you didn’t tell us earlier? Jarvis! Tower security is one of your jobs! Or you could have stopped the elevator from moving in the first place!”

If a disembodied AI could shrug, Jarvis was certainly managing to do so. “I was curious, Sir.”

Clint hopped out of his seat. “Well, it’s been fun, everyone. If I don’t make it back, tell Bruce and Nat that I love them but it’s all their fault, punch Thor in the face- wait, Steve needs to do that one because Tony will just break his hand- and defenestrate Loki for me, will you?”

Without letting Steve or Tony get another word in edgewise, Clint dashed out of the workshop.

* * *

Clint peered into his room. Empty. He rounded the corner and turned.

“Hey! What are you _doing_?” He rushed over to his desk, where Loki sat. Several snapped pens lay next to the feline, looking as if they had been bitten in half.

Loki turned to look at Clint, a pen held in his mouth. His muzzle was stained with ink. The writing utensil dropped out of the cat’s mouth as he meowed.

“No, don’t give me that look, buddy,” Clint said, slightly in disbelief that he was treating the cat like a normal cat instead of as the megalomaniac supervillain he knew Loki to be. “What on _Earth_ are you doing?” He paused. “Or Asgard for you, I guess.”

Trying to peer over the cat’s head, Clint glanced down at the paper Loki had been writing on. It was splattered in ink, presumably from having accidentally chewed through several pens.

Across the paper, in large, shaky capital letters was a single word.

‘ _Help_ ’.

Clint shook his head. “No _way_ ,” he said. Below it, more irregular letters read ‘ _Trapped_ ’. Several of the letters were black, but others were blue, indicating that the word had been written with more than one pen.

There was no more space on the page with the size of the text, so Clint reached over and flipped the paper over so that Loki could continue writing. Bending down, he also picked up the dropped pen and placed it in Loki’s mouth.

The cat rotated his head perpendicular to the paper and continued writing before backing away after each word was finished.

“I…” Clint read. “Am…”

With a nod, the cat dipped his head down and continued writing. As he finished, Loki tilted his head back and forth, considering his writing before seemingly satisfying himself with the quality. Purring softly, Loki moved aside so that Clint could see the last word.

Shocked, Clint breathed, “Thor.”

Loki- the cat- no, _Thor_ , nodded.

“Wait- but then, that would mean-” Clint heard the creaking of footsteps on the floor behind him and abruptly cut himself off.

“Ah, I see the foolish oaf has finally found a way to express his simple-minded ideas to you, then,” came a voice from behind them. “No, please do continue, I would simply _love_ to hear what conclusions you have managed to reach.”

Slowly, Clint turned, and there was Thor, standing behind them. But no, that was _Loki_ , disguised as Thor.

A wide smile crept across the Asgardian’s face. It looked absolutely _terrifying_ on Thor’s countenance.

Clint gulped.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Unfortunately, I was unable to work in the Amazing Adventures of Nat and Bruce to Prove that Thor is an Imposter (he was acting really sus, alright?) into the fic proper, but I might revisit that sometime as a side-quel to see what those two were up to while Clint was running around chasing Thor-Cat.
> 
> Find my Tumblr [here](https://salviaofficinalis-writes.tumblr.com/).
> 
> If you enjoyed the fic, please drop me a kudos/comment, they really do mean a lot!


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